Solitude

I can tell you that solitude

Is not all exaltation, inner space

Where the soul breathes and work can be done.

Solitude exposes the nerve,

Raises up ghosts.

The past, never at rest, flows through it.

From “Gestalt at Sixty” by May Sarton

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming," because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

Origin.

Walla Walla Book Signing

It was important that my first author signing was in my hometown. Don't get me wrong, Seattle and Portland are cool, and those signings will be fanatically fun, but Walla Walla had to be the number one stop on this short book tour.

The Walla Walla Valley has always held a creative sway over me, many of my best ideas have been hatched in its verdant valley, under the gaze of the Blue Mountains. My friend Tricia told me it was like Odysseus finally coming home after 20 years away. Fine, I'll take it.

OK, the truth is finally revealed...

I am Dr. Robert Twombly (well, at least I ghostwrote the manuscript for him).

I hope I didn't spoil it for anyone.

Darren was one of my favorite patrons. He's 10-years-old, and I was a little shocked that he was buying my book—it's rated-R, PG-13 at the very least. Some of Chris Lane's gloriously gory illustrations even turn my stomach. But Darren had seen Zombieland, every Romero movie—probably every undead film ever made: he's a huge fan.

We had a long, good chat.

Pens and coffee and water: all essential things during a signing.

The book sold out within an hour. I couldn't be more proud of my hometown patrons who showed up on a Wednesday night.

I really do feel fortunate for this opportunity. It was so much fun to talk to fans about films, books, storytelling, and everything. Signing books aside, I just like to meet people.

Now, I can't wait for Portland and Seattle...


Photos by M. Ulmen

The Joy of Music

Two songs have haunted me since Saturday... two Joy Division songs: "Digital" and "Dead Souls."

I can't listen to each of them enough.

Perhaps it's the autumnal feeling in my heart and in the air. There are certain persons in my life whom these songs spark images, emotions, pain, and some joy. You decide...
(Click on the link to hear the song if you choose.)


DIGITAL

Feel it closing in,
Feel it closing in,
The fear of whom I call,
Every time I call,
I feel it closing in,
I feel it closing in,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out.

I feel it closing in,
As patterns seem to form.
I feel it cold and warm.
The shadows start to fall.
I feel it closing in,
I feel it closing in,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out,
Day in, day out.

I'd have the world around,
To see just whatever happens,
Stood by the door alone,
And then its fade away.
I see you fade away.
Don't ever fade away.
I need you here today.
Don't ever fade away.
Don't ever fade away.
Don't ever fade away.
Don't ever fade away.
Fade away. Fade away.
Fade away. Fade away.
Fade away. Fade away.
Fade away.


DEAD SOULS

Someone take these dreams away,
That point me to another day,
A duel of personalities,
That stretch all true realities.

That keep calling me,
They keep calling me,
Keep on calling me,
They keep calling me.

Where figures from the past stand tall,
And mocking voices ring the halls.
Imperialistic house of prayer,
Conquistadors who took their share.

That keep calling me,
They keep calling me,
Keep on calling me,
They keep calling me.

Calling me, calling me, calling me, calling me.

They keep calling me,
Keep on calling me,
They keep calling me,
They keep calling me.

Lyrics by Ian Curtis

Four Tenants of Chung Tai

"To our elders be respectful,
To our juniors be kind;
With all humanity be harmonious,
In all endeavors be true."
--Grand Master Wei Chueh of Chung Tai Chan Monastery in Taiwan

An important lesson that I learned last night: Respect, kindness, harmony, and truthfulness. Keep them in your heart and your world, and those around you, will change.

The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

--Mary Oliver

I read this today in Mary Oliver's fine collection of poems, Thirst. Somehow, it helped me to make sense of the confusion and pain that currently spills over in my heart's cup...

Welcome To My Nightmare

Over on the Chronicle Books site, they have a feature where you can view the first few pages of my new Zombies book.

Click on the book below to take a look within... You've been warned!